Couple gets served €3,000 birthday bill after entitled friend’s dinner on a private beach, they refuse to pay: “We didn’t choose the place. We gave her a gift”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jul 12, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Money really does make the world go round, unfortunately. No matter where you grow up, what language you speak, what year you're born, or what your upbringing consists of, everyone in the world needs money and works toward money. Even if "working toward money" means you marry rich, you still had the green in your view when you made the decision. If you've ever struggled to make ends meet, you know how it's an allconsuming stressful feeling. It's the bare minimum of life standards. Not having enough money doesn't just affect your stress levels, it affects everything. It can affect your health, in the sense that maybe you're ignoring seeing a doctor because of the price. Maybe you're not eating properly, and you certainly aren't treating yourself to little things that make you feel good throughout the day. It affects every single thing about your daily life, as well as your future. 

In the story below, the couple at hand is in the process of already trying to save some money. They're used to spending a bit more than they're comfortable with for their friend's birthdays, but lately haven't been doing so. They get slack from their friends for their frugal decision. 

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  • 01

    AITA for not chipping in for a Gucci bag or a €3,000 birthday dinner I didn’t plan?

    Cheezburger Image 10528272896
    via shisuka / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    I (29F) and my husband (35M) are part of a close group of friends. We're all in our late-twenties to mid-thirties, most of us are married or in serious relationships,
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    and we usually celebrate birthdays together. The usual setup has always been that the birthday person hosts and pays for everyone.
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    But about a year ago, this weird new tradition started. For each birthday, someone opens a WhatsApp group and says, "Let's all chip in for this really expensive
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    gift." We're talking about things like Hermes flip-flops, Formula 1 tickets, Gucci bags. It's all very public and a bit uncomfortable to say no. My husband and I have always gone along with it, even
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  • 06
    though it's felt a bit much at times. For example, we paid around €300 towards a €1,500 Formula 1 ticket for my husband's best friend, let's call him Tom.
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    At the time, it felt okay. But now things are different. We're already parents to one child, we're trying for a second, and we just opened a new business which we fully
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  • 08
    funded from our own savings. Everyone in the group knows this, including Tom. We're doing fine financially, but we're definitely
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    being more careful. These expensive group gifts are not something we feel comfortable doing anymore.
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    A few weeks ago it was my husband's birthday. One of the friends asked if I was going to open a WhatsApp group for a gift.
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    I said no. My husband didn't want anything. We hosted everyone for a pool party, paid for everything ourselves, and were happy to do it. For the record, Tom gave my
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    husband a nice bottle of tequila worth around €100. We appreciated it. I'm not complaining at all. I've never judged or compared gifts, and I've
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    via skynesher from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    been genuinely grateful for every single one, no matter the price.
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    Two weeks later, it was Tom's girlfriend's birthday. He opened a group chat and said she would like a Gucci bag. I told my husband I didn't want to
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    participate in this one. He agreed. We didn't reply in the group, but we bought her a €120 massage voucher as a gift.
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    Her birthday was held at a really fancy and expensive beach restaurant. We went, enjoyed the event, had fun and made sure the birthday girl had a blast. A few
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    days later, Tom wrote in the group that the bill was €3,000 and said that if anyone would like to contribute, they could.
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    via janiecbros from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    I told my husband I didn't want to chip in. We didn't choose the place. We gave her a gift. And again, we're being more mindful about money right now. He obviously agreed.
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    Then Tom messaged my husband privately and said he expected us to help with the dinner bill since we didn't join the group gift. He said our €100 gift wasn't enough,
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    brought up the fact that we had always participated before, including for his Formula 1 ticket, and said we were being jerks for not pitching in at all this time.
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    I honestly don't understand it. I've never once complained about the gifts we got. I've always been thankful. But suddenly we're being labeled as the r de ones
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    just because we made a different choice this time based on our current situation.
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  • 25
    Helpful-Inside-5023 • 22h ago NTA Serving you with a bill after the fact, without informing you before the event that this would be expected is
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    not a fair friendly move. If Tom wants to buy expensive gucci bags to his girlfriend and plan 3K dinners, that's great, but he can't expect the same level
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    of chipping in from everyone else. It's his girlfriend, not everyone's. If Tom was a good friend he wouldn't have stepped on
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  • 28
    multiple boundaries and calling you "jerks"?... For not paying for his ideas.
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